I get the question frequently from non-Christians and from devout Christians alike, "What is Christian Counseling?" The problem with the question is that there is no one answer. What Christian Counseling is depends on the counselor. Depending on what you want or need, if the answer matters to you, then you need to ask some questions.
But, let me explain the problem. There are many "classically" trained counselors that happen to be Christians, so they call themselves Christian Counselors. Then you have pastors or other Christian ministers that happen to counsel. They may or may not have training and their training could be any kind from anywhere. Now, I am not trying to disparage any counselors of any stripe. Indeed, it is a helping profession and these are all my colleagues. Some of them may indeed be right for you. Let's look at the first group. When I say classically trained, I'm talking about trained in psychotherapy or non-directive counseling or something like this that you might find in any secular clinic or counseling practice. These folks will usually be state licensed and be limited in terms of faith-expression according to the laws in your state. They may toss in scriptures if meeting with Christians or they might even pray with the counselee. One benefit is that they usually can take insurance. But, the downside for Christians looking for spiritual support as part of the counseling process MAY be disappointed here. Pastors and Ministers obviously are going to come at things from a scriptural angle. Some are good at working with non-believers as they don't necessarily try to convert every counselee. Others though, know nothing else. Here's the other thing to consider. Whether the pastor has a degree or is not college trained, their primary focus is usually on Pastoral duties. Unless they are specifically a Pastoral Counselor or Counseling Pastor, only they can tell you if they really have the time to commit to counseling. Even educated pastors usually have the bulk of their education geared toward pastoral duties and very little gets spent on counseling. As a pastor friend of mine says, "All I know how to do is say, 'There's the Word, do what it says and everything will be OK.'" For issues that are specifically faith centered, they may very well be the perfect answer for you. The third group that I haven't mentioned yet is a group that is truly trained specifically to be Christian Counselors or Pastoral Counselors. Most of us see ourselves as Counselors, abiding by a set of ethics that is similar to other counselors. Many or most of us include in code of ethics whether written or personal a strict commitment to counsel the counselee for whatever they came for. In other words, if a Christian comes in and wants spiritual guidance to be part of the process, great. If however, a non-Christian comes in with a specific issue, we will do our very best to help wit that issue. We would be lying if we hid who we are and much if not most of our advice is indeed based on the Bible. But that doesn't necessarily mean that we will quote chapter and verse on a regular basis. For myself and for some of my colleagues, we are glad to meet you where you're at. No matter who you are, those of us that are solidly Christian and keep our faith as our focus, but choose to meet you where you are, we might just be the right choice. No matter who you are, you know the Bible is full of wisdom and good teaching. So, you know a true Christian Counselor is committed to what YOU need and has the tools to help. Obviously, there are any number of qualified and quality Christian Counselors out there. Ask about their licensing and training. There are multiple licensing organizations out there, but knowing that you counselor is endorsed by one of them lets you know that they have met and kept at least a minimum standard of training and ethics. The National Christian Counselors Association is one of those licensing bodies. I myself hold a MA in Clinical Christian Counseling and am a Professional Clinical Member of the NCCA. Through them I am a Licensed Clinical Pastoral Counselor and Certified Temperament Pastoral Counselor. You can reach me at 513-454-7223. [email protected], or bit.ly/graceift. I currently work online. I also recommend Rev. Lori Hechler at Spirit and Truth Ministries. She is also a Professional Clinical Member of the NCCA and through them is a Certified Pastoral Counselor. She works online or in person in Warner Robbins, GA. You can reach her at [email protected] or 478-235-5251. Rev. Matthew Hogan Grace for Individual and Family Therapy
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I'm waiting for the shoe to drop, I really am. Statistics and common sense tell me that I and my colleagues that also offer online counseling should get pretty busy here sometime soon. Admittedly, most of them charge and that is a problem for many of the people that are suddenly going to need their help.
You see, change brings stress. And any time a family that isn't used to being cooped up in the same house suddenly is, that's change and holds the potential to be an enormous stressor. So, how are we going to survive surviving? I've been a counselor for 6 years and was in industrial maintenance for 18 years before that. My specialty that gained me a reputation that reached to other countries was being able to communicate with and troubleshoot odd machines. I got a call from Puerto Rico once asking if I could come down, they had just acquired a machine that was obsolete and had never made it out of the prototype phase, so was extremely rare. They had poked around until they heard my name as someone that knew the machines and could likely get their's to run. The longer I did this, the more my ability to look at systems and find bottlenecks and problems increased. Eventually, I was called upon to look at entire factories and look for the bottlenecks an d either solve the problem or at least identify how the problem would be solved. I regularly was asked to speed up production equipment. First I would just watch operators run their machines. Usually I would have an idea of what needed to change pretty quickly. And their were times that by the time I got to the machine code I had a hunch that I could just write a new program for the machine and replace what was there. But I never, not once, let my ego cause me to jump in and just scrap what the previous programmer or programmers did. Before I changed a thing, I studied the code. I tried to get a feel for the programmer and how he/she thought, Because, you see, I understood that whatever the skill level of the original programmer was, they wrote the code the way they did for a reason. How arrogant would it be for me to just jump in and start redoing the work without first understanding why they did what they did? Sometimes I came away with tricks that I would use for years to come. Why am I bringing all this up now? As a society we are poor communicators and worse listeners. Sorry, It's just a fact. So, as you find yourselves trying to survive surviving, it will be important to take the time to listen to what your loved ones are saying, all of it, not just until you get bored or annoyed. And by the way, you'll get bored or annoyed less often if your attention is on actually listening and trying to learn something new. Secondly, remember that what your loved ones are doing is for their own reasons not to hurt or annoy you. And every time you speak remember to tell them what you need and are feeling not how they have failed you. They can't read your mind and if you want them to understand something, you will have to spell it out. Take your time, be patient with yourselves and each other. And remember to listen to learn, not respond. I've had this topic on my mind and heart for some time. Unfortunately, I don't remember all of the sources and can't seem to find them for the things that I want to share. My apologies.
As a counselor, I deal with lots of angst each week. I deal with people that are hurting and saying they want to love each other but they really have no idea how to make it come across. As I watch people I know and care about struggle to be decent and kind in our current age of divisive media, I can't help but see the similarities to all of the hurting couples that come to me for help. And I'm honestly convinced that the solutions to the divisiveness are the same. But, before I get to that, I want to refer to some other sources. Shortly after the presidential election, I read an article by Riaz Patel. I'll link to it because it's that good. He had been on the Glenn Beck show and was referring to white voters and grouping them, us together based on our skin color. I believe Beck said that he used the term, "You people." Beck called him out and Patel was legitimately disturbed by that. So Patel, a Pakistani born, Gay, Muslim man started listening to conservative talk radio then travelled to Alaska to meet Trump supporters. What he learned was that they weren't who he thought they were. He learned that their concerns were legitimate and real. I encourage everyone to read the article he wrote immediately after the election. Then shortly after that, I read an article in an online publication that I can only describe as angry liberal diatribes and propaganda. The intent of the article was to explain why the Trump win happened and why it was such a shock. He put the blame squarely on the shoulders of the liberal media and politicians. He said that nobody knew there were so many people out there that saw Trump as the solution to their problems. He went on to list some concerns of voters that voted for Trump and not one item on his list had anything to do with hate. He made an effort to understand the "other people" rather than just judge them for different opinions. That's pretty significant, but more telling was what he said the liberals had done wrong. He pointed out that any time someone questioned or dared to argue with what he called the liberal elite, they were shut down and told they were stupid or worse. He pointed out that after a while people get tired of being treated that way and keep their opinions to themselves. The side effect then was that all these people were silent about their concerns and needs. The liberal side could neither address the concerns or change the minds of all these voters because they had driven them underground. Then most recently I saw a snippet where a gal said that the only way anything would change was if we listened to understand, not to reply. They're all right. They all see people, not demons across from them. And this, as I mentioned is much like what I see and deal with when counseling. By the time a couple comes to me, they are usually pretty battered. They know they want to love each other but they don't remember what it feels like to be loved and maybe they don't even remember what it is to love. They hear anything and they immediately rebut and defend. So, here's a little tidbit of what I teach and it works. When the other person is speaking you listen only. You can ask questions for the sake of clarification. Then you must reiterate and go back and forth until the speaker says that you understand. Then and only then and only if both parties are calm do you reply with what you think. Then they do the same thing. This way, everybody gets validated and everybody learns something they didn't understand before. I teach an exercise to help with this as it can be pretty hard to concentrate on technique when you're in the heat of the battle. But, it can be done. And, even if only one person plays along, it still helps. Another key is to realize that what the other person is feeling or thinking isn't your problem nor does it really have anything to do with you. So there isn't much point in getting all worked up. Remember too that no matter what you think of their opinion or feeling, it's legitimate. I didn't say right or even rational. But it's what they are feeling. Would you want to feel hated? Then you can have compassion for them because that's how they feel for example. Start there and understanding will begin and sometimes we will even begin to agree. So, here's the link to the article I mentioned above. https://www.glennbeck.com/2016/11/10/what-a-gay-muslim-pakistani-american-immigrant-learned-traveling-to-rural-alaska-the-week-before-the-election-2/ Seasons are important for me as markers for my memory. But too, as I age, I realize how important they are in discovering the beauty in the lives we lead.
As I look back through my life, there are definite specific seasons. There was my childhood with my brother. Then the time around his death and the first few years afterward. There is high school, my time in Sweden, and early marriage. There's the time leading up to being parents as well as most of my daughter's childhood. And then there have been shorter seasons scattered throughout. To some it will be no surprise that each of these seasons has a soundtrack unique to itself. Some highlights are "Raindrops Keep Falling on My Head" by B. J. Thomas, "Daniel" by Elton John, "(Jag ska) Gå Hel Ur Det Här" by Peter LeMarc, "No Doubt" by Petra, "When She Sees Me" by The Choir, and "I Can Only Imagine" by Mercy Me. These songs punctuate my memories and help keep the feelings clear, much like when you smear paint into letters carved into wood. But seasons are something we should embrace, not just after the fact with hindsight. In 1965, the Byrds released the best known version of a Pete Seeger song, "Turn! Turn! Turn!" Most of the lyrics are take directly from the Bible. We are told that that there are times appointed to good and happy and others to sadness and loss. We humans try to mitigate the sadness and loss. Honestly, we try to avoid it altogether. And yet, there are times of loss. There are times of pain and grief. Now, I'm not saying that we should become complacent or lazy or sloppy. "Oh, this is my time for loss, so...." No, but I am saying that we go through seasons that are inherently painful. Among other things, there are seasons to die, weep, mourn, break down, hate, and lose. W.e will go through seasons. We WILL go through seasons. I mentioned the soundtracks to my own seasons. Well, when I hear the song "Daniel" I immediately think of my brother. And I miss him. "Daniel is traveling tonight on a plane I can see the red tail lights heading for Spain Oh and I can see Daniel waving goodbye God it looks like Daniel, must be the clouds in my eyes" I have no idea why THAT song, neither did my mom and she had the same connection to it. It would be easy to end there, "And I miss him." But really, that is misleading. Sure, I miss David. I do. And I wonder what his life would have been like. Would we be as tight now as we were as kids? Would I keep an eye on him and make sure he was OK? Would he even be able to live alone or have a family? But the memories are amazing. And they aren't like most stories of having siblings. We didn't fight like siblings are expected to. We had ONE fight. I can remember it because it was such an anomaly. Those are beautiful memories. My parents were together then, and they were fantastic at raising a disabled child and a "normal" child in the 1970s. We lived the magic of being in Southern California at that time with Disneyland and the beaches. It was that season that taught me to live among money and not need it. We would hang out in all the wealthy shopping districts and enjoy walking and watching while being less than wealthy. And living with David formed so much of who I am, Even his death set off a chain of events that brought pain and grief and death. But those same events contributed to shaping my parents and consequently myself. I can find a pretty direct line from the work I do in the counseling room through my parents back to my brother's death. So, even these painful seasons bring wonderful benefit if we will only let them. "We know that all things work together for good for those who love God, who are called according to his purpose." - Romans 8:28 (NASB) So, without getting into a whole sermon here, all things can be good for us in some way. As I reflect there are so many other seasons that come to mind. Right now, three different Christmases stand out. There was the year we were missionaries at Teen Challenge of Kansas. It was a dark time for us. We were so sad and hurting. But, both my wife and I have fond memories of me laying on the couch and her sitting at the piano in our little trailer that also served as the mess hall for the center. That trailer was on top of a small hill and was exposed to the full cruelty of the Kansas winter winds. It would rock back and forth as she sat there and played "Traditions of Christmas." What a beautiful memory that also served as an anchor for a thread that has run through all the years since. Another Christmas was in Belvedere, IL. The only thing that matched the poverty and pain (physical and emotional) of the time was the love of people and God. And it was amazing! This year will likely stick in my memories too. This has been an amazing emotional time for me. In November I ventured out on my trike for a long needed ride. The plan was to meet up with some friends for hot dogs some 300 miles from the house in Hollywood, CA. I was less than 20 miles away, playing in a favorite area when under the trike arose such a clatter. I stopped immediately to see what was the matter. And there I sat until the tow truck arrived five hours later. But family rose to the occasion. Then friends I hadn't met yet jumped in. Next came my daughter to help with the rescue. Now all of a sudden, three weeks after it broke, I was back on the trike. Having not built a great plan for momma to be home with a sick dog, I didn't feel comfortable finishing my planned route from November. Instead, I came home in a more direct path. But, it was a wonderful day. It was quiet and peaceful and calm. But it took sacrifice from all to make it happen. I was enjoying music throughout this Christmas season in a way I haven't in a very long time. As I did, I thought often of my dad. Although I miss him too, those were wonderful beautiful thoughts and memories. I received a note and an amazing gift from a friend. The gift ble me away, but the note meant every bit as much as the gift. Then on Christmas morning my wife and daughter continued to bless my heart. my daughter continued to speak to her daddy's motorcycling heart. And my wife blessed her husband's sentimental heart. All of these Christmases wouldn't be as amazing and special as they were if they didn't come in the seasons they did. None of these Christmases would have been the blessings they were without the awareness that beauty was shining in the midst of dark seasons. Seasons matter. Life happens and it isn't always fun. But when we can see blessings, whether they be seasons of blessing or blessings in darker seasons, they will shape our lives and our hearts. They will make us people that can love fully and minister to others that need help to see their way through dark seasons. Together we can change the future by changing hearts. As David said in Psalm 23, "As I walk through the valley of the shadow of death,..." I've walked through that valley, as many of us have. Many are`right now. We know the feeling. We know what it is to be overwhelmed by the pain of loss. And we can just curl up into the fetal position until we die ourselves or we can read on, "...I fear no evil; for you are with me...." Sometimes we sense God's presence with our spirit. Other times we are comforted by family and friends or even the kindness of a stranger. But we walk through the valley and we see it for what it is, part of a season. And seasons end as they are replaced by others. I'll look back on this season and remember how I got through. And I'll ride along someday with a song that triggers memories of this time and be grateful. As Matthew the counselor, I've struggled with a couple or personal decisions. Both of those have been around my health. As it turns out, I have a degenerative neurological condition that can impact much of my daily tasks. As a counselor it has only given me more insight and ability to understand those I counsel.
But we'll get back to that. Before we do, I want to define fairness. I'm not going to call on Webster or anyone else. I'm going to define fairness myself according to what we teach as parents and what we live as a society. Fairness means that everybody should get the same results for what they believe to be the same effort. Maybe that's harsh. Maybe not. When God created the world, he made a garden where there were lots of different animals (who didn't seem to eat each other - don't ask me). In that garden, God added some special creatures. He added a creature that He would make to be like him as our children are like us. So, there were some special resemblances to God that say the hyena or the Giraffe didn't have. Then, He gave that special creature a friend and helper. Like the first special creature, she was in some ways like God. Obviously, these two special creatures were the first man and woman. One thing that God gave these special creatures was the ability to choose to love. When your kindergartner brings home a mother's day card, you feel loved, but you also know that the teacher had all 30 kids in the classroom do the same thing. When your teen aged daughter knows you cook dinner when you get home but surprises you with a surprisingly well cooked meal with all the trimmings. That, well that was a choice to love. You see, there are MANY ways that we are like God, but that is the most important one, the ability to CHOOSE to love. So, why shouldn't these special creatures get some special treatment? What very very important thing comes with the ability to choose to love? The ability to choose NOT to love. This is the key to the WHOLE thing. I'm not going to go into a whole dissertation of all the aspects of creation and sin. But the fact is this. When we say, it's not fair, we're missing the point. For whatever reason, this is a broken world with germs and cancers and immune systems gone awry. It's a broken world. We try to protect our kids from this as long as we can. We teach them how to play fair and obey the rules. And they react with righteous indignation when someone cheats. We even vaccinate our kids. We try SO hard. We agonize over ever little decision, even what they wear to school. But at some point, it all blows up in our faces. At some point fairness fails. At some point we can't go talk to the principal or even beat up the other parent. At some point some giant comes along that we didn't even see coming. Car accidents, job losses, etc., etc. Then we tell our kids to be honest while we are planning on hiding details from our bosses. We tell the officer that the other car ran the red light, when we know full well that we did too. We go around living our lives, "ALMOST RIGHT." But at the end of the day, bad, horrible, detestable things happen to people we think don't deserve it. Kids get cancer. Lifelong ministers die of brain tumors. Single moms lose their homes to floods and tornadoes. Do I need to continue? There is no fair. God never promised fair. God did promise that there would be a return to a peaceful world where all could live with Him. Sign me up please. That said, I appreciate all the love and sympathy from everyone who thinks my current situation isn't fair either. I've been sitting on this topic for months. I wasn't sure how to address the topic and I wasn't sure where to address it. When Rarely do I consider myself an expert on anything truly important. And I know that I don't have a huge audience, so although the pressure is low, there also isn't any compelling evidence that I will change the world by saying anything. But recently, the inspiration and determination came that I had to say something. So I beg of you, please read through this and consider what I have to say. We can make a difference together. We MUST make a difference, for I believe there is one single significant problem facing our country today. I want to start with a memory. Decades ago, when I had more hormones than sense, I was approached by a beautiful woman. She was stunning. She was gorgeous and sophisticated in ways that set her apart from any of the other ladies I watched and admired. She approached me with her beautiful smile full of perfect teeth and asked me a question. When she asked me, it sped my heart and respiration rate to a point I have always suspected was visible. She asked, "Do you want to take me to dinner?" Somehow, in short order, a powerful image popped into my head. I saw her big athletic boyfriend. Not only was he big enough to be frightening, I liked him. I was able to quickly turn her down cold. But what surprised me more even more than her question was her response. She said, "You're just turning me down because I'm black! You're RACIST!" For a beautiful creature that I thought liked me as a person to say something so vile and with venom nearly tangible took me aback. I see these discussions as often as I'm willing to read the internet. I am a white, male, conservative, Christian home owner. If I believed the internet, I wouldn't be able to be in the same room with myself. After all, if I believed what I read, I would know that I was a chauvinistic, bigoted, hate filled man bent on putting down the poor. If I believed what I read, I would know that I hate gays, blacks, Mexicans, unwed mothers, and probably burn crosses on lawns in my spare time. Am I being facetious? Only very little. Part of the problem in this, a time when anyone can get anything they want out to the world at large, is our use of facts. I think many of us have lost track of what a fact really is. I've long been suspicious of anyone that purports to have the whole truth about any situation. And yet, it seems that lately most people that have something to say imply that their perspectives are not perspectives, but truth. This is even true of white, male, conservative, Christian home owners too. I'm certainly not saying that any angle or perspective is represented by purity. No, we are guilty as a society. We are guilty whether we speak carelessly or simply don't speak at all. Every time we point out all the angry white cops or violent young black men, we do a disservice to both good cops and innocent blacks. Every time we point out the Christians that don't care about the poor or those that defraud the charities and welfare like programs we do a disservice to both caring Christians and struggling poor. The pattern here is easy to see. We think we are fulfilling some righteous duty when we point out how "they" are all evil but really all we do is make it that much harder to solve anything. We will never even come to the truth of fatal police involved shootings let alone solve them as long as we are standing against one another. We will never solve the problems of people dying because they can't afford health care until we put all our brains to the problem and listen to each other. We will never see all people feel welcome in this world as long as we focus on people and not the problems. Marriages are vulnerable to the same dangers that have befallen the rest of our culture. In counseling married couples, we see people that once loved each other at each other's throats. Like in any of the societal battles that we see, the wife starts to speak and the husband is sure that he knows what's coming next. So, he cuts her off and launches into his own argument. She stops him sure that he's only going to blame her anyway. And so it goes. Even if one of them was actually going to try to do or say the right thing, the effort is lost in the "knowledge" of what the other person thinks and has to say. It all seems so hopeless. But it isn't hopeless at all. One of the first things I do in counseling one of these married couples is find common ground. The more hurt and pain permeates the marriage, the longer I have to look for that common ground and the harder I have to work to get both parties to accept an agreement. But, if I had to, I would get them to agree that it was wonderful that they taught their children knew how to tie their shoes. I would find something, anything to use as a starting point. The vast majority of Americans are not really part of the problem, whatever problem we are referring to at the moment. The vast majority of Americans today don't really hate anyone. We MUST find common ground. We MUST choose not to take the bait. We MUST ask each other, "What is the real problem you are unhappy about?" We MUST change the dialogue. If we do this we CAN change our country and solve any problem that comes our way. We CAN do this. We MUST. If you call our main number and receive a voicemail recording, you will hear my lovely wife's voice. She will say, "Thank you for calling GIFT where Grace for Individual and Family Therapy abounds." I'll be honest, when I listened to her as she made the recording, I was a little unsure. Then, as I let it roll around a little, it grew on me very quickly. You see, she really captured the essence of what we are about.
GIFT isn't just a nifty little acronym. It's also a word picture. God doesn't want us to get hung up in the pain and garbage that we usually do in this world. He wants us to find PEACE. He has peace ready for us. It is like a gift. The Bible talks about God's Grace as a gift. So, there's the nice tie-in. But what is grace? It's sometimes a difficult concept in our culture without adding in the Biblical, so with it, it can be a little hard to grasp. In essence, the main understanding of Grace in the Bible has to do with God choosing to forgive us for the things that we have done wrong. Why does He do this? Because He made us and wants to have a relationship with us. He wants to "hang out" with us. The Grace that makes up the first part of our name is very similar. Although we have worked hard to get good at what we do, and we use what we believe to be the best tools, we still don't take all the credit. God wants to see you whole and healthy. He wants you to be in your best health emotionally and mentally. Because of this, He has provided the means to find that health. That's His Grace. We believe you will find it when you come to us for Individual or Family Therapy. At Grace for Individual and Family Therapy, we understand that life doesn't happen just during office hours. That's why we don't keep office hours. We schedule appointments when it works for the people that need our help. That's why we check messages regularly any day of the week. And, that's why we use Facebook Messenger. With the Messenger app you can scan the above image and start a conversation with us, or go to our Facebook page to begin: https://www.facebook.com/Grace4IndividualandFamilyTherapy/.
For the vast majority of human history, love just wan't a prerequisite for marriage. Interestingly enough, divorce was also very rare. In most of the world today, both of those things have changed. Part of the reason for the low divorce rates was the different level of expectations. In the past, being safe, fed, and maybe respected at least as a human was all on really could expect. Love and happiness was a bonus.
Today however, love or at least warm fuzzy feelings are often the ONLY prerequisite for marriage. And we have roughly half of all marriages ending in divorce. Why is that? In part, when dating, we have a tendency to put our best foot forward. We don't let slip those parts of our character that we think might send our intended running in the other direction. It's almost as if we are interviewing for a job. But, nobody can keep everything hidden forever. And it's just not snoring that is an issue, it's how we get along with other people that matters. There are three general areas of each person's makeup that influence how they relate to others. Every couple of every faith (or none) would be helped greatly by either figuring out how they can be compatible or that they really can't. Let's face it, nobody wants to get their heart and wallet yanked out by a divorce. So, it only makes sense that we prepare beforehand to avoid trouble. The first area is how we relate to the general public. Are you a loner or do you need people? Will you insist on either being out with friends or bringing them home while your spouse cringes and craves for quiet? How many friends do you need to have? Do you engage strangers in public or do you need to pretend the world isn't there? The next area has to do with decision making and independence. We often see couples that seem intertwined. You can't tell where one person begins and the other ends. In some couples, one person is happy to let the other one make all the decisions. With other couples they drive around and around because neither one wants to decide where they will eat dinner. Some people can work independently for hours on end while others need input frequently. And some people need money in the checking account while others don't care. The last area is loving relationships. Some people love when the kids are piled on top of them with hugs and kisses. Others love their kids but think to themselves, "OK, I wish you'd get off of me." These differences find their way into the bedroom which of course can cause much grief and trouble. In each of these areas people differ. And people think they can accept the differences. But, in truth, an expert can often help uncover the areas that are most likely to cause trouble and help to establish techniques, tools, and compromises for happy healthy marriages. At GIFT we have the tools to find the differences and we have experience at helping to minimize trouble. We've helped couples before and during marriage to make sure peace exists at home. Call or email for more information. Most people never think about counseling or selecting a counselor until they are already in crisis. Unfortunately, this is not an ideal time to be trying to make good decisions about something as important as a counselor. So, to make the process a little easier, here are some questions to help make an informed decision.
What should you expect to pay? One of the first things to come up in the selection of a counselor for many people is cost. Some medical insurance policies will either pay for counseling services or at least reimburse the insured. It's important to know what the terms and restrictions are. But pushing the question of insurance aside, let's consider the cost of counseling. Common rates are anywhere from $80 to $120 per session. Number of people in the session and testing done may affect the cost. Of course there are those that charge more or less. However the old adage, you get what you pay for does not necessarily apply here. Especially with faith based counselors, they may be offering their services because they feel that to be their calling not their job. Free counseling is however the exception not the rule. Don't give up hope just because your wallet is empty! If you are ready to seek counseling but the cost is a deal breaker, there might be some hope. A number of counselors and counseling offices have what is called a sliding scale. What this means is that they have a base rate that they may even advertise. But, they will reduce that rate according to the income of the client. To take advantage of a sliding scale system, you will probably need to fill out a form and provide some sort of income verification. Who should you trust? There are a variety of counseling strategies and tools out there. But just like doctors and lawyers, counselors have oversight. To legally charge for counseling services, a counselor must either be licensed through their state or be a minister. State Licensing We won't talk much about state licensing here as each state has their own rules and guidelines. Suffice it to say that you can certainly ask to see a counselor's license if you have any questions. Faith Based Counseling Ministers may also offer counseling services, either as part of another ministry, like a church, or as a separate ministry. But what is a minister? To be a minister, one must be sanctioned through a faith body. Words like ordained, commissioned, or licensed minister all can be used. Like the state licensing, there should be some sort of official certificate from the faith body that you can ask to see. Beyond being a minister, many faith based counselors also pursue some additional sort of licensing. This extra licensing would typically indicate that the counselor has met the approval of the licensing body and the license would be renewed periodically. This extra licensing should tell you that the counselor has specialized training and that they meet the approval of a licensing board. What is the methodology? This question has a much more complicated answer. There are many different methodologies or schools of thought out there. The average counseling client isn't going to learn about them all. But there are some things you can ask. What's the expected duration of counseling? Admittedly this is a loaded question. Every individual is different and the course of counseling will vary according to the problems of the client and compliance with the counselor's suggestions among other things. But you want to know if the counselor expects most people to complete counseling in a matter of weeks or a matter of years. What's the success rate? A success rate is defined by solving the problem in the client's life to a degree that future treatment is not required. Just like the question above, the client, the issues at hand, and the compliance of the client all play a part in this. But the average success rate for a methodology can range anywhere from 50% all the way up to 95%. Do you, the client, have a faith system. Nobody can miss the headlines today about the battles between people of faith and the world. Counseling is no different. Each state has their own rules about what a counselor can and can not say or do. In some states, a state licensed counselor can not pray with the client or make moral statements even if the counselor and client share a common faith. So, for example, you can have a counselor who is also a Christian, or you can have a Christian counselor. For many clients, this does matter. Even if you are not a person of faith, it might be good to know that the counselor is. If you are considering a faith based counselor but are not a person of faith, you can ask the counselor how they handle that. Many will respect your stand even if their counsel comes from a faith background. How does GIFT answer these questions? At GIFT, our goal and purpose is to help people. Because of that, we want to make counseling as affordable as possible. So, we have a reasonable base rate AND a sliding scale. To find out your rate, we need to know your income. Please talk to us if you are concerned about an ability to pay and let us see if we can't work something out. Reverend Matthew Hogan is a Licensed Pastoral Counselor and member of the National Christian Counselors Association. At GIFT, because our goal is to help, we don't want to keep you coming to counseling any longer than YOU need. Typically, our first review is at or around six weeks, meeting once weekly. In studies, our methodology had a 95% success rate. Rev. Hogan is a Christian Counselor. This means that all his advice and counsel is based on Biblical teachings. However, he will discuss with you any concerns you might have regarding your personal beliefs. Please use the "Contact Us" link to start a discussion. |
AuthorRev. Matthew Hogan is a Certified Temperament Pastoral Counselor, Licensed Pastoral Counselor and is a Professional Clinical Member of the National Christian Counselors Association Archives
March 2021
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