At GIFT we want to make a special offer to those who have lost a loved one in the service of our country. We will reduce our base rate by half for anyone dealing with grief over losing a loved one in the service of our country. We will then apply a sliding scale to that rate. We want nothing to stand in the way of helping you through the grieving process.
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For nearly two decades I worked troubleshooting and repairing industrial machines. The last dozen of those years I taught others how to troubleshoot effectively. I used humanizing terms to talk about a machine. I said, "Its brain," "It thinks," "It wants." This helped the technicians have a better understanding of something intimidating and strange.
Now that I am working as a counselor, I am taking some of those lessons I taught and using them to teach people how to make their relationships work better. One problem that we have as people is that we get a thought in our heads and we clutter up the truth with it. In a factory, this can cost at least a few minutes of lost production or in one case I saw, nearly 15 years of reduced production! When I solved that problem, several people were very embarrassed, but the factory just counted it as gained production and in the end everyone was happy. In a marriage though, the effects of the same misunderstandings can be fatal. So, what is the starting point? What is the one question that will clear much of the fog? WHAT DO YOU KNOW? That's it, it's that simple. It really is simple. But like the factory I helped, the longer we struggle with misunderstandings, the higher the likelihood that we will need professional help getting out of the fog. Any time we are hurt or offended by our spouse, the natural reaction is to think the hurt was deliberate or that they don't care, etc. But those are assumptions. Ask the question. What do you KNOW? If you keep asking the question, the eventual answer should be something like, "I don't know why she did that but I KNOW that she loves me." Once you break it down to what you KNOW, you'll find it easier to get to the heart of any misunderstanding. Of course, GIFT can help. If you and your spouse are finding it so difficult to communicate and believe in each other that you don't know if you'll ever find the answer, then it's time to ask for help. We can help get you back on track with each other and help you develop the tools to grow stronger. We all know that in the modern world the demands on our time are high. We're busy, our kids are busy, our spouses are busy. There's all too often just not enough of us to go around.
We know this busyness is a major contributor to our weight issues. We know that it contributes to health problems. In some cases these health issues are a direct result of our lives. If we eat poorly, our body will respond accordingly. In other cases though, it's not so cut and dried. We have stomach problems, heart problems, lung problems that are caused or at least made worse by this stress. In these cases, it is called psychosomatic. Unfortunately, the word psychosomatic has gotten something of a bum rap. We associate all sorts of negative connotations with it. The fact of the matter is that psycho pertains to the mind and soma pertains to the body. So, all psychosomatic really means is that the mind affects the body. All of us respond psychosomatically at least periodically. There is nothing wrong with it and there is nothing you could do about it if you wanted. So what do we do? Is it hopeless? Our psychological, or mind, condition not only affects our bodies, but it affects our relationships and obviously, how we enjoy life. But, so many of us are convinced that there is simply nothing we can do. However, the truth is that we aren't nearly as stuck as we feel. There is hope! At GIFT, one of the things we can do for you is to help you to find balance again. We can work with individuals and families to find tactics and techniques to help bring down the stress levels. We do this by understanding who you really are as opposed to the life you live. Once we do that, we help you make adjustments, usually small ones, that will make all the difference. We also teach families (who are incidentally made of people with different needs) how to support each other so that nobody has to bend too much to get along. Are you struggling to get along at home? Has your doctor told you that your health problems are tied to stress? Are you dealing with chronic, unexplained health problems? Are you hating your life when you used to like it? Do you just think you could or should be happier? If so, then please use the Contact page to reach us and learn more. When the topic of counseling comes up, people have some immediate thoughts. Some of those thoughts are reasons NOT to go to counseling. Our reason #1 is, "I can't afford it."
Money is a touchy subject. We all have our financial priorities. And for some, money is the single greatest stressor that can think of. So, I don't want to dismiss this reason for not seeking counseling. But to make an informed decision as to whether of not something can be afforded, we need to be able to identify its value. This is where we often disagree on finances. The husband says, "We can't afford that." The wife says, "It's 75% off, it's a great value! We'll never see that price again!" For the two to come to a real agreement (not a compromise), they need to look at the value of the item and compare it to the other needs they have financially. (Compromises are excellent, but stick with me here.) Counseling is just like anything else. Unless we can look at the value for the household, it can be hard to justify. So, what value does counseling hold? Our mental/emotional/spiritual status is at the very core of our being. All of our relationships are affected by our emotional state and our ability to function at that level. If we are stressed, it takes a toll on all of our loved ones and all of our friendships and even our business relationships. Stress affects our ability to think clearly and do our work well. And probably most importantly, stress affects our bodies. The term psychosomatic is thrown around frequently. It's often coupled with the word illness. So what does psychosomatic mean exactly? Well, psycho essentially means mind and somatic essentially means body. So, psychosomatic is "mindbody." We can have psychosomatic responses and psychosomatic diseases. These come from the body reacting to mental or emotional stress. Probably the most commonly understood psychosomatic response involves what is known as the Fight or Flight response. This is of course the body preparing for action when a threat is perceived. A perceived "bad guy" coming out of a dark alley with a knife or even a poisonous snake appearing in our path will naturally bring the rush of adrenaline and all that comes with it. But neither of these is a common experience for most people. We can even find ourselves feeling the same way during more common stressful events in our daily lives. Typically, the adrenaline rush and the outward symptoms fade fairly quickly after the perceived danger is past. But in our society, we submit ourselves to all sorts of stressors on a regular basis. Because of this we also see other psychosomatic symptoms. Common among these are digestive troubles. Acid re-flux and ulcers are common among high stress individuals. Then we have the term, "nervous tic." By definition, this term implies some sort of involuntary movement that is tied to anxiety or stress. As you can see, our bodies are heavily influenced by our emotional states. So what does this have to do with counseling? Let's face it, none of us likes to feel stressed. None of us deliberately gets stuck there. But we do get stuck there. People are highly adaptable. When we are forced to deal with certain unpleasant things in our lives, we find ways to cope and adapt. Unfortunately, after life changes and becomes more normal, we sometimes continue with our unhealthy coping mechanisms because they have become habitual Other times, we may have never learned healthy ways to deal with certain types of stress and we just do our best which might not be the best for us. Unfortunately, we often know we are stressed and struggling. But somehow we decide that we can't afford to do anything about it, or the help we can get won't make enough of a difference and justify the cost. At Grace for Individual and Family Therapy, we don't want to see anyone pay large amounts of money to attend multiple sessions each week for years on end. Our approach is all about helping each individual find ways to deal with their struggles quickly then follow that up by helping our clients build a support system in themselves and their families to prepare them for whatever might come their way. We keep our services affordable by using a sliding scale system. We have a base rate but will adjust each client's fees according to their income. Then we create an individual plan centered around the particular needs and personality of the individual. And we only continue to work with clients for as long as they really need it. You can say that it's our goal to work ourselves out of a job. |
AuthorRev. Matthew Hogan is a Certified Temperament Pastoral Counselor, Licensed Pastoral Counselor and is a Professional Clinical Member of the National Christian Counselors Association Archives
March 2021
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